Seventh grade. A hot dusty afternoon after school. Someone you thought was a friend has just said something very hurtful to you. You feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up and the heat flow to your face. You're looking this former "friend" in the eye, but your peripheral vision reveals a group of three or four others standing around, off to one side. After the hurtful comment lands, there's a rustle of feet as the group of three or four subtly but visibly shift their positions. How they move will make all the difference.
It is a seemingly small detail in the materials about bullying I sent out earlier this week. "At the very least" our guidelines for the "audience" at a bullying incident conclude, "move closer to the victim than the bully." This week's Minnesota Public Radio focus on bullying has brought welcome attention to this issue. Our guidelines were complied and edited by the wise and experienced Anne Atchison, PreK 8 Administrator. Both she and PreK-8 Director Tony Reimers have worked (and written) extensively on this issue.
Back on that hot dusty afternoon, with the heat rising and the sense of isolation and vulnerability building, imagine one lone member of the group stepping to your side, turning to face down the bully with you. If you've known that kind of support, you've known true friendship and courage.
At MPA we teach our kids, even those least comfortable and most introverted, that there is something they can do to help a friend who is a victim of bullying. We want everyone to be that kid who steps forward to stand at your side when someone else crosses a line towards hurtful behavior.
Ultimately, it's about character. Some may ask, "well, how do you really teach character?" And while you can't really "teach" character, you can give kids the tools that make it easier to act in ways that reveal true character. You can create a climate of expectation in which acts of good character are the norm. Good deeds can be habit-forming, and the harder the challenge, the higher the reward. For a shy person, stepping forward and physically making the statement, "I am here to be reckoned with," is very big. Yes, this is something I, in my shyness, can do.
And it generally happens at MPA that if you come in shy, you go out with a sense of yourself in public settings and a comfort level in speaking up for what you believe in. Even if you are standing alone with someone who is not even your friend, but he's being made a victim. You know that if he's a victim, we're all victims.
The other key player in this story is the perpetrator, the bully, the mean one. But of course, we're all capable of bullying. Some readers of this blog may have gotten the call that their child was "involved in an incident" of bullying. Because we know that an act that fits the definition of bullying can be perpetrated by a kid having a really bad day, or bad week or bad year, we try not to make it into a permanent tag. "Offending students are responsible," read our guidelines, "for repairing and restoring their relationships and renewing their reputations - and our community is responsible for offering forgiveness and second chances."
That's character education, MPA style.
* * *
For those who missed it, here's this week's email to families:
Minnesota Public radio released a report this
week after a six-month analysis of bullying policies and incidents in public and charter schools across the state. At MPA, we've worked extensively with our students to ensure a safe environment and
appreciate MPR's examination of this critical issue.
In light of this report as well as the related stories and MPR public forum scheduled for tomorrow evening, I wanted to take this opportunity to remind you about Mounds Park Academy's commitment to preventing
bullying by teaching our students 1) what bullying is, 2) how to respond and report it, and 3) how to prevent it.
Mounds Park Academy's Code of Ethics is published on our website in our all-school handbook and
is reviewed annually with students. We also have a Laptop Use Agreement for Upper School and a Technology Use Agreement for Middle School signed each fall by students and families outlining unacceptable
use of technology.
Specifically regarding bullying, here's what we teach our students:
- Bullying is an act of violence. It is hurtful, intentional, and repeated, its forms can be physical, social, and emotional, and it involves at least three people: the bully, the victim, and the audience (aka witnesses, bystanders, and allies).
- The response of student bystanders either supports the behavior of the bully or the plight of the victim. The audience has a choice and a role to play. Afterwards, they need to report as soon as
possible.
A. As it happens: Peer pressure is the first line of defense, and doing nothing is a vote for the bully. If at least one audience member finds the courage to say or do something to undermine the bully, the game is over. Ideally, there's a comeback line spoken to the bully like, "I'm sorry you feel that way," "Are you having a bad day? Are you okay?" or even something as simple as, "Ouch!" while the other students show support to the ally and the victim. At the very least, we ask our students to step closer to the victim than the bully.
B. After it happens: Audience members (witnesses, bystanders, and allies) are responsible to assemble a group and report to a trusted adult.
- To be proactive and prevent bullying, students are taught social responsibility. We hold our students accountable for how they treat one another. When we (the adults) respond to acts of unkindness, we let our students know we mean business. Offending students are responsible for repairing and restoring their relationships and renewing their reputations - and our community is responsible for offering forgiveness and second chances.
School
Safety - March 10, 2010
No Name-Calling Week - January 27, 2010
Code of Ethics - September 2009
Technology Policy - October 21, 2009
Surviving the Net Generation - entries referring to cyber-bullying
For additional information and perspectives, I encourage you to read or listen to the report and the related stories on the Minnesota Public Radio website. A special forum will be aired tomorrow night (Wednesday) at 7:00 p.m. I know there are many MPA events tomorrow night as well, so you could also listen to the recording of the forum on MPR's website. Again, MPA remains committed to providing a safe environment for our students, and we commend MPR's attention to this critical school issue.
