October 4, 2022

from Dr. Jules Nolan, MPA school psychologist

Among the excitement and speedy pace of returning to school, we tend to feel a lot of varying emotions. Friendships and routines are re-ignited, new ones are formed, and our students begin to settle in amidst change all around them. This fall, we asked Dr. Jules Nolan, MPA school psychologist, for advice on supporting children in a new school year to equip you and your family with tools for a successful, happy, and healthy year.

Dr. Nolan’s Top Three Tips
First, remember that anytime we experience big changes in our lives (new school year, new house, new baby) our brain goes into “safety” mode and spends thinking resources scanning the environment to ensure safety. This is a largely unconscious process but can manifest in our bodies like nervousness and feeling uncertain. During times like this, we are likely to be forgetful, feel scattered, and have a hard time initiating tasks or persisting when things get tough. In children and teens, this can look like low frustration tolerance, reluctance to try new things, high emotionality, tiredness, and so on. Our brains are calmed by routine, familiarity, pattern, and predictability. It is important to fortify your routines so that you are getting up and going to bed at the same time, eating at the same time, choosing clothes the night before, setting out what you need to remember the night before, etc. Essentially, your brain gets busy with seeking the familiar, and that makes it hard to make small decisions, remember things, and so on. Routine and structure calm the brain and this phase will pass quickly (a few weeks) if you focus on predictability, routine, and structure.

Second, remember that even if you have had a great and smooth “back to school,” after a few weeks of “honeymoon,” you may begin to see changes in your students like loss of motivation, lack of interest in studying, and lower performance. Remember that this is a good time to teach your children about motivation. Some people mistakenly think that intrinsic motivation (feeling motivated by the subject matter or the satisfaction of completing something) is the “good” kind and that extrinsic motivation (using tangibles, activities, or praise) is the “bad” kind. The truth is that people who use both kinds of motivation to do the things they don’t like to do–but must complete–are the most successful. Think of what you use to keep you working on things you despise (taxes, laundry, cleaning, etc). Often, we use external motivators to keep us engaged and that make us successful. The best motivators are those that your children choose themselves, but remember that work always comes first and the “break” time should be no more than a few minutes. We do best with many intervals of working and breaking rather than one long work period followed by a long break.

Third, be careful not to over-schedule your family. All of the activities and experiences we want our children to have can actually hinder development and lower confidence, especially in young children. A child who has structured lessons and coaching in several areas can come to feel that they are not good enough as they are. Dr. Lisa Damour, NYT bestselling author of “Under Pressure” tells us that we should think about what we could do at 100% of our effort, and then scale back to about 75%. Our teens can also easily get overscheduled. If your child’s sleep, eating, or socializing is suffering, you need to pare down their schedule. Read More